Even though it is not technically February yet, this photo is a bit of my personal history and a bit of showing off my non-perfect parts. A post with feet in both categories if you will. So, here is one of my hidden parts, and a deep part of my personal history...FRECKLES.
Here are a few shots of the postcards I have created for a postcard swap I am participating in. A few more to go and I will pop them in the mail. It is fun to think of my little creations buzzing away to other homes.
"The white-domed peak whacked lower down,
open-sided crater on the northside, fumarole wisps
a long gray fan of all that slid and fell
angles dow clear to the beach
dark old-growth forest gone no shadows
the lake afloat with white bone blowdown logs
scoured ridges round the rim, bare outcrop rocks
squint in the bright
ridgetop plaza packed with puzzled visitor gaze
no more White Goddess
but, under the fiery sign of Pele,
and Fudo-Lord of Heat
who sits on glowing lava with his noose
lassoing hardcore types
from hell against their will,
is her name."
- Gary Snyder
I’m still here…it’s still cold. This morning when we went out for a bagel and a coffee the bank thermometer read –34, brrr, far too cold for me. I’m still working on finding my inspiration. I’m doing a lot of reading of inspiring material, the kind between the pages, as well as the kind on the internet. Blogging is such a strange form of expression, but I have found some truly amazing folks through the wires that connect my cold home to the rest of the world. A few blogs I have been reading for two or three years, a few only recently, and although I don’t know any of these people in person, I come back day after day to read whatever words they feel the need to share. I am concerned about them, or excited for them, or just mentally thank them for giving me something to think about that is outside my little world. So, if you haven’t met some of the people in my sidebar, go take a look. I promise you will come away feeling a bit more engaged in life.
p.s. clearly my picture is where I wish I was right now…ah Kauai how I miss you.
There are several pictures similar to this one taken of me during this time in my life. Until I was eighteen and moved away to college, I had never seen the ocean. I had dreamed of it, read about it, poured over pictures and movies. Never in my land-locked life had heard the true sound of waves crashing on the shore. During the years I lived in Washington I couldn't get enough of the Pacific. I lived on Puget Sound, which was more water than I had ever lived on before, but I would beg rides the hour or so out to the coast. For every holiday I only wanted to go to the ocean. These pictures generally show me in some type of peaceful pose, standing contemplating the water, sprawled out on the sun warmed rocks, painting and drawing perched on driftwood. The ocean taught me how to breathe, how to go deep within myself and listen to the ebb and flow. It taught me that within that peace you can be fierce. Now I live even further from the ocean, but I still long for it, and at least once a year we make the trek to the water, either by car or plane. From the first step onto the beach, I breathe in the salty air and become another person. Someone calmer, with confident steps, and wild beach wind hair. I thank the ocean for all the lessons she has taught me, and I know that she still has more to teach.
Wow, that last post was a downer, and clearly it didn't win me any readers. I've come back around and I'm experiencing a bit of an up swing now. It is still exceptionally cold here, but in an act of pure desperation I went for a walk this afternoon. Bundled in layer after layer of clothing, with only my eyes peeking out, I slogged up the hills. One redeeming feature of January is that we are progessively getting more light, and for a change I enjoyed the feeling of full sunlight in my eyes, even if they were crusted with icicles. Apparently the dog needed a walk even more than I did, he ran back and forth in front of me, frolicking in the snow. I guess that is why huskies do so well in Alaska, he is always much happier when the mercury drops below -15 (the temperature today, -22 and colder). The sound of our six crunching feet on the snow, the bright sun in my eyes, reminded me that we are moving forward out of this dark time, both seasonally and psychologically, and that eventually we will come out into the light.
(p.s. the picture on this post was taken by my highly talented other half, if you haven't already, check out his website there in the sidebar.)
I feel like an empty bowl, possibly even an empty bowl with cracks. I am going through some sort of mid-life crisis, yep, a mid-life crisis at thirty. I have lost my ability to dream, this is huge. My entire life there has been something, even a little glimmer of some sort of inspiration to keep me going, but right now I feel vacant. I am struggling to finish my thesis, on a topic I have lost interest in. I caress and nurture my artistic endeavors in the hope that one will help me find a dream, but still nothing. You know that question people ask you all the time, "what would you do if you had no limitations?" I do not have an answer to that right now. If anyone is reading this, what do you think, have any suggestions? What inspires you?