I found out yesterday that my dear cat Zada has kidney disease. She hasn't been feeling well over the past week or so and when she started losing interest in food I knew it was time to head for the vet. I am crushed, she has been in my life for the past eleven years and is my constant companion. All through my unfocused twenties, the various major events of my adult life, she has been there to cuddle me through it. I can't imagine my life without her. I knew this moment would come, and likely soon, but I wasn't prepared for the feelings of heartbreak that come with it. This hardest thing about this disease is that she could live for a lot longer in this state....hardly eating, drinking tons of water, unhappy and luckily not in pain, but the selfish part of me doesn't know how I am going to be able to take it. Even now she doesn't seem like my cat anymore. I have been crying too much, trying to come to grips with this. What does it mean to lose a pet? How can I just slog through my day like normal when she feels so badly? I want to just embrace this time with her, but have not reached that stage yet and instead just feel like I am in limbo.
Anyway, I know this doesn't compare to the sickness and death of a person, but to me it feels that huge. Please send your healing thoughts her way, if you had a chance to meet her you would know that she loves everyone and would have purred and snuggled you every chance she got.