This is the first time I have particpated in sunday scribblings. After putting aside the thesis for awhile I am began to feel my need to write creeping back in. Interestingly enough the prompt this week is baggage, something I was already thinking about this week.
I am the daughter of a young mother, not shockingly young, but young none the less. When my parents divorced I had no choice but to grow up quickly. At eleven I took the weight of the world on my shoulders and let it rest there. I did a good job for many years of shouldering my burden, I took on my own baggage, that of my family, my friends until all that baggage was burying me. Over the past several years I've been attempting to dig myself out of the pile. Shifting the baggage side to side so that I could peer out at the light. Too many days I still feel bombarded by my worries: "will I do okay on my first day of work, how did I get so out of shape, why don't i feel this way or that way, how I can worry about my stupid problems when people are being showered by bombs elsewhere in the world?" I am the queen of the "what ifs", and I am so sick of them. I'm ready to let them vanish into the air but they cling like my dogs' hair on my sweater. These demons seem to move in viciously when I'm left alone like I will be this week. I'm ready to ship my baggage off on a trip without me, maybe somewhere pleasant, a tropical island perhaps. I need some strong enough words to send them packing....any ideas?
I have no idea if this will work for you, but some of my demons took a nice hike when I started doing morning pages (through the Artist's Way, which we did in the blogging community, much fun!) I really got them out and sent them packing. The point is to take 30 minutes and write three pages, freehand, whatever is bothering you or what's on your mind. So, I offer that to you and send you many good thoughts as you begin to unpack some of those bags you've been hefting for too many years.
Congratulations on your first Sunday Scribblings post!
Posted by: samantha | 16 July 2006 at 07:34 PM
I am the same way...i worry about the what if's all the time...I try to really focus on the issue that is plauging me and disect it until I realize: (1) it is me being totally paranoid about something that I have no control over and I have blown out of proportion (2) that there are things that I can do to change or control the situation should the worst happen and be happy in knowing that i would be prepared (3) succumbing to the fact that I would have no control over the situation and do my best to put it out of my mind...meditating/relaxing/focusing on things that I can do to prevent said sitaution or the good things that have happened as a result of the situation or my worries.
I too am really bad when left along to my own devices...i over think and over analyze and I have been even worse since i became a mom..OIY.
Taking a nice long vacation in the Carribean wouldn't hurt either :)
Posted by: Sarah e. Smith aka Rustic Relics | 16 July 2006 at 08:03 PM
Diaries and distraction work for me - it seems by putting the thoughts/worries on the page it gets smaller cos you're looking at the scrawled words on paper rather than in your head and they seem less powerful somehow. you've offloaded the burden. also, you can close the book and go off and do something else then - which is where the distraction comes in. Charmed DVDs work well for me :-) and blog reading! x
Posted by: susannah | 17 July 2006 at 01:10 AM
someone once told me to turn "what if's" into "so what's"
it is challenging at times, but I consider myself a mental "what if'er" too and it does work.
leave the baggage home and send yourself ;)
darlene xo
Posted by: Darlene | 17 July 2006 at 01:17 PM
putting them out there instead of keeping them bottled inside is a good first step...
Posted by: la vie en rose | 17 July 2006 at 01:31 PM
My first thought was, "send the baggage to the arctic, and YOU go to the tropics!" Maybe more realistically would be to focus on 'what is most important for me to be me?' -- and don't take ownership of what isn't yours. Good luck! And I hope you enjoy the many blessings of SS.
Posted by: bonnie | 18 July 2006 at 04:51 AM
you really seem to be in a space of pealing back the layers to expose your true and real self right now. not an easy thing to do, but good for you. you are brave!
Posted by: kellyrae | 26 July 2006 at 08:23 PM